I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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