just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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