youre lurking in front of me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
