Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
