I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
