I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
