My sheets look like a crime scene.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
