just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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