God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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