the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
