life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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