from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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