I wish I could punch you in the face.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
