new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
