Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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