my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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