Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
