I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
