even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
