Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
