i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This baby is an asshole
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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