For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
