loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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