His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
