If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
