I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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