So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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