I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
