oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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