I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
