fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
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how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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