You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
