he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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