I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
