I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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