Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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