Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This is the high leading the old right now
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
