That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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