If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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