Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
