every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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