I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
