So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
