Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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