he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
