I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
