I must be too annoying 4 u.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
