i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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