Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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