hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Drunk is not a location!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?