just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.