He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight