We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
