Where did you get a picture of my penis
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
