I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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