her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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