maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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