I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize