in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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