I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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