so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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