You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
