wanna go halves on a baby?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
