He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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