Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
