I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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