sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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