You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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