I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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