After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Randomize
