I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
