Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
