the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
