you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
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I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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