how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
