Having a random hookup so left but love u
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
