Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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