Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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