I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
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I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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