Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
