Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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