3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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